You want to know what's been on my mind a lot? BIRTH.
This may have something to do with the fact that I'm now coming up on 39 weeks pregnant, but who knows for sure.
A few years ago when I got pregnant with my first baby, Alexa, I became interested in looking at what options I had for birthing her. In a hospital, at home, pain relief medications, no medications, etc. I watched documentaries, read books, and talked to my doctor about all my questions and his opinions on the variety of choices I had. I quickly realized how much I loved the idea of "letting my body do what it was supposed to." Birth had always seemed so natural to me, and I was fascinated with why so many people had opinions about controlling the process. I wondered if I would want to go as far as having the baby at home, but it didn't take me long to decide that I wanted to have her at the hospital.
Something I decided early on in my pregnancy is that I wanted to at least "try birthing a baby" without pain medication once in my life, and it seemed like it would make the most sense to do that the first time as opposed to using pain relief the first time and then doing it the "harder way" sometime after that. So although I was open to making adjustments during labor if I felt I needed to, I was pretty determined to just ride it out without medication.
Throughout the months of my first pregnancy I was very disappointed in two things:
1) How much ridicule I received for wanting to have a baby without pain medication. I can't tell you how many times another woman would call me "crazy" or "out of my mind" for this decision. Many women seemed to be of the opinion that if there's a drug to use, you should use it! The ironic part is that never once did I give another woman a hard time for wanting to use pain relieving medication.
2) It seemed like every woman and their dog felt the need to tell me about the horror stories of their labor. It never made sense to me why people were so willing to share the negative aspects of these things with someone they KNEW would be going through similar challenges.
So I had to make a conscious decision. Would I let others' opinions and fears determine how I was going to birth my child, or would I stand up for what my instincts told me and attempt to bring her into this world with as little assistance as possible? And I chose the latter.
My experience with having Alexa was truly incredible. I will add, however, that there were so many MORE resources I didn't know about at the time that I could have used to better prepare. Which is really the reason I'm writing this post! So first, I'm going to give you an overview of my my labor with Alexa (pros, cons, etc). I made the decision to record my labor/her birth in my journal and am SO glad I did (I just reread through it). Afterward I'm going to tell you about all I've learned since then and why I'm even more excited for this upcoming adventure!
Alexa was due on October 15, a Wednesday. On the Monday before, October 13th, I started to feel some cramping in the morning. We had plans to go down to St. George (we lived in Cedar City at the time) so we left town around 9a. I really had no idea what contractions were supposed to feel like, so I was pretty unsure of what to expect. Around 11 or 11:30a my friend Kim (who had just had her third baby) downloaded an app on my phone and insisted I try to track the cramps/contractions. They were about 3-6 minutes apart and Kim told us we needed to head back to Cedar. I debated for over an hour before we decided to leave (at that point I hardly felt any discomfort).
We decided to run to the hospital for a quick check and then go home so I could actually pack a hospital bag, do some laundry, shower, and an ongoing list of things I planned to do before going into labor.
To my utter astonishment, when I finally had a physical exam sometime after 2pm I was completely effaced and dilated to more than a five. The nurse told us that we needed to stay. Fast forward through my hysterics of things not going quite the way I planned... and a few minutes later we had moved to another room (where I had access to a tub like I had requested). Okay, now I'm not going to give you all the details, but here are some of the basic events that followed. Around 4p I hadn't progressed much so the doctor suggested we break my water. I was EXTREMELY hesitant to do this because I was really trying to "let my body do everything on its own." After some discussion I agreed to have my water broken, which was done at 5p. Up until that point contractions had been consistent but very bearable. After my water was broken, not so much.
All of a sudden there was no relief from contractions. They were constant, one of top of another. They were strong, different than anything I had felt, and to be blunt, painful and difficult and to tolerate. I had imagined that the hot jacuzzi tub of water would help but I couldn't get comfortable in it. In fact, I ended up in a sitting position the rest of the time I was in labor. I still vividly remember saying to Braedon at one point, "I don't think I can do this." To which he cleverly replied, "well, she's going to come out anyway; you don't really have a choice." (I will talk about this moment later on because it's very important).
At a certain point I felt my body pushing, like, involuntarily PUSHING, and it freaked me out because I didn't know why it was happening and I literally couldn't control it (this is another important moment). When a nurse came to check on me and I told her about the urges I was having and she advised me not to push because last time they checked I was only at about 6 centimeters dilated. She said that she'd go get a yoga ball because she noticed I'd been sitting the whole time. From what I can guess this was probably somewhere around 7p (two hours after my water had been broken). And then the most INSANE thing happened... I reached down and felt something hard and smooth. At that moment I thought "oh my gosh, that has to be her head."
Right then the nurse came back and after telling her twice that I felt something she said we should get me to the bed to check me. She and Braedon helped me up, and when I stood up there was no doubt in my mind that that baby was right there. Sure enough, when they got me to the bed and she checked, the baby was crowning. They told me to breath through contractions and not to push (they had called my doctor and he was on the way). He arrived within ten minutes and after two strong and painful pushes, Alexa Rae Fletcher was born.
Pretty crazy, right? I definitely never imagined that it was going to happen that way. But it did! And it was an adventure for sure.
Because my labor went so well the first time I knew that I wanted to do it unmedicated again when I had another baby. I also knew that there were probably other resources I could find and use to have an even BETTER experience the next time around. So again, I started researching. When we moved to St. George two years ago I started asking around about doctors, hospitals, and birthing methods. I heard about something called Hypnobirthing: the Mongon Method and was instantly drawn to it. I decided to take a six weeks course and it literally CHANGED MY LIFE and seriously enhanced the way I view labor and birth. Here are some of the things I've learned.
There are a few things I've always felt instinctively about labor and childbirth that have been confirmed to me over the last few months throug my study of Hypnobirthing.
1) My body knows how to have a baby and the best way to have a baby is to let my body do what it's meant to do.
2) Women are bombarded with inaccurate and negative views of labor/birth via media and stories of other women.
3) Labor can be and is meant to be a beautiful experience that is anticipated with positive affirmations and excitement.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the method of Hypnobirthing, in my own words, it's basically founded around the belief that a woman's body is perfectly equipped for labor/birth and that labor is experienced best by using the mind to achieve a deep state of relaxation and using the body's natural pain relief (endorphins) to manage the discomforts of labor. Hynobirthing also uses very different terminology when referring to the aspects of labor. One example is that instead of using the word "contractions" I now use the word "surges." Throughout the few weeks I attended the class I was able to actually practice hypnobirthing (the achieving deep relaxation) and have continued to work on it since the class ended. Along with the practice I learned A LOT of things that helped me better understand some of the details of my labor with Alexa.
Going back to my first labor: I mentioned that at one point I said, "I don't think I can do this." I've since learned that around the time a woman's body feels the urge to push, the body sends out a surge of adrenaline which imitates the flight or fight response. My instructor told some hilarious stories about women going as far as to all of a sudden declaring during labor that they're leaving the hospital. Not only was this neat to learn so that I now understand why I reacted that way, but I think it will be a great tool for my upcoming labor with baby #2.
I have also learned about how important and normal it is to move into whatever position feels comfortable and right during labor, and that it's good to reposition whenever you feel like it. Previous to learning this is seemed odd that I was most comfortable sitting the first time, but now it makes much more sense.
Another thing that was confusing to me was when my body was pushing and I couldn't control it. I feel silly, but the now obvious explanation is that my body was ready to push! I think I felt I needed a nurse or doctor to tell me what was going on, but in reality, my body was just doing exactly what it needed to do. And the fact that Alexa was born just minutes later shows evidence of that. I know that now understanding this will be a HUGE help with my upcoming labor.
I also look back on the experience and think it's sort of ridiculous that the nurses instructed me not to push when I was very obviously ready. I understand that the point is for the doctor to deliver the baby, but it doesn't make sense to not push when a baby is ready to come. I have learned so much about trusting the baby to come when he/she is ready, which is why I feel that unnecessarily inducing labor doesn't make sense.
So here are some of the things I'm excited about for this time around!
1) The Hypnobirthing class has taught and allowed me to spend time and effort practicing relaxation that I will use during childbirth.
2) Here in St. George at the hospital they have two rooms called "birthing suites." These rooms look like beautiful hotel suites with a white queen-sized bed, dimming candles, options for relaxation music, and large jacuzzi tubs among other things. The rooms are meant to allow women to have an "at-home" experience while still being at the hospital. I'm very excited to use one of these rooms during my upcoming labor!
3) Braedon had the opportunity to attend a class with me where he learned about different subtle ways to assist me during labor. The first time we had no idea how he could help, but he was able to learn about some things like things to say and soft massage to help release endorphins (natural pain relief).
4) Between already having one baby and now understanding SO much more via my studies I feel much more prepared to have the kind of labor and delivery best suited for both me and my baby. I know some very specific things I want (which I'll share in my next post) and I know that I need to communicate them clearly to the nurses/doctor in order to have the experience I want.
Just to end, I do want to put a few disclaimers out there. I do understand that there are circumstances and emergencies during labor/birth that can't be controlled and that those circumstances call for intervention. However, I do also believe that intervention is far too common among situations that would play out just perfectly if they were to be left to their natural course.
The other thing I want to mention is that I highly respect all nurses and doctors who are a part of this labor/birthing process. In addition to that, the reality is that they do have agendas and schedules. It is up to YOU to fight for what you want in your own labor/birth. I recommend putting together a written birth plan and discussing it with the involved staff right away when you check in to the hospital. And if there are things recommended/suggested to you that you don't want, I think it's perfectly fine to respectfully decline and stick to your plan. NO ONE can understand your body, your desires, and your baby the way you can.
The main purpose of writing this blog post is to spread awareness and to empower women (and men) and to help them see how effective, beautiful, and amazing natural labor and childbirth can be. If ANY of this interested you at all I highly suggested you take the time to study around and study Hypnobirthing in particular.
I will be writing another post to share the story about my labor/delivery with baby #2 and I am THRILLED for the amazing experience I'm going to have! ♥
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