The Good Fight

As many of you know, I have been struggling with eating disorders for years, and I think most of us struggle with eating in general. If you'd like a little more insight into things I've gone through you are welcome to read a previous post called "Fighting Food" at this link.
http://fletcherfamilylessons.blogspot.com/2015/03/fighting-food.html

A few months ago I watched a documentary called Fed Up and it sparked my interest to learn more about processed foods, whole foods, and how to eat better. I can hardly believe how much I've learned and how far I've come. In June I set some goals, decided to change the way I think about, feel about, and eat food, and have seen incredible physical, mental, and spiritual changes in my life. I feel so passionately about these things that I want to share them. If just one person benefits from this then the effort was worth it.

I wish I could have figured these things out years ago, and even though I'm still in the middle of the learning process, there can be great joy in the journey. Also, this post may sound a little self-absorbed because I use the word "I" an annoying amount of times but I really want to emphasize that this is not post about "10 secrets to such and such." This is to share my personal experience about different choices I've been making, particularly with eating, that are bringing me great change and happiness. They are in no particular order.

1) I make small, frequent substitutions or eliminations: I have always struggled with the all-or-nothing mentality when it comes to food. It's like I will try to go without any ice cream at all, make it three or four days, and then completely break and literally eat a whole container. My experience the last six weeks is that small, healthy decisions made frequently will add up.
Here are a few examples:
-when we have eggs for breakfast I ditch the bread or tortilla and add lots of fresh veggies
-when I am craving something sweet I mix up some fresh/frozen fruit, milk, and greek yogurt for a smoothie instead of ice cream
-when I cook a recipe with cheese I will either leave it out or use swiss instead
-when I eat a sweet pork salad at Cafe Rio I leave off the tortilla strips (Ha! Tricked you! I would never leave those off, they are just too good)

2) I (usually) finish eating by 7:30p: I really try not to eat within three hours of going to sleep for the night. Sometimes this doesn't work because when I finish at the gym at 8p I really need a snack after so I will eat something small. In the past a lot of my needless snacking/binging took place after dinner when my body really didn't need anymore food for the day.

3) I eat a very filling breakfast, two medium lunches, snacks, and a light dinner: I feel that I've had significantly more energy throughout the day as I have done this. I also better utilize the calories I put into my body because I am much more active throughout the day than late at night.

4) I drink water ALL THE TIME: Drink, drink, and drink some more! I find myself craving water instead of other drinks which can really add up in calories throughout the day. If I drink less calories it stands to reason that I can eat more, and I am a huge fan of that! Also, I try to take a water bottle with me everywhere I go. The visual of having the bottle next to me helps me remember to drink it.

5) I don't skip eating. Ever.: Again, because I struggle with eating disorders in general I have often allowed myself to "skip" meals or snacks in hopes that I'll see results. I am coming to learn that this is not only emotionally unhealthy but also physically unhealthy as well. The more often I eat small meals/snacks and keep myself nourished the less I have a tendency to get so hungry that I binge. I also avoid counting calories and simply listen to what I feel my body needs.

6) I don't expect immediate results: Looking back, one of my most detrimental mistakes when setting health-oriented goals is that I have always wanted instant grattification. This time when I set goals I started in July and hope to meet my goals by the end of December. That's 1/2 a YEAR, guys. Our bodies are not meant to lose significant amounts of weight in one month and we simply cannot change eating habits overnight. I will add though that you will probably see changes more quickly than you think.

7) I have learned it isn't easy: Plainly and simply put, eating healthy is difficult. It takes relentless discipline, changing habits, consistency, and patience among many other things. The world around us literally tells us to eat terribly all the time. I highly recommend watching "Fed Up" (as mentioned above) which you can find on Netflix. It really gave me insight into how the food industry leads us to be addicted and stay addicted to bad foods early on and tricks us into thinking that unhealthy foods are actually healthy. There will always be plenty of opportunities to eat food that is less healthy, and most people around you will always eat those foods, but that doesn't mean that you have to. Isn't that why we are here on this earth, to do the hards things that will bring us great joy?

8) I try to focus on the right things: This one is hard for me but I know it's very important. I tend to focus too much on how much I weigh and it's something I'm working on. I think it's okay to like my pants fitting a little less snug and appreciating compliments from others but those things are just pleasant biproducts of the real reason all of this has been changing my life. I think the "right things" may be different for everyone but here are the "right things" for me.
     -I have binging episodes far less
     -I feel that I have more emotional control and wellness because I am in charge of my own body
     -My body fat percentage is going down (this shows me that I am not just losing pounds, I am           actually becoming healthier)
     -I am more able to be intune with the Spirit because I don't feel sick and/or obsess over food
    -My body has become stronger/more able than it ever has been before

9) I've noticed that food tastes better: Some of the things I have been focused on are "whole foods" and a "plant-based diet." Some people are a little more extreme but basically what this has meant for me is eating more fruits, veggies, nuts, and legumes (foods closest to their natural state). I have been amazed that foods I previously saw as boring or plain have become delicious. Because I am eating far less sugar (which is my weakness) I feel that my tastebuds have actually changed and I am more fully enjoying the food that helps my body feel amazing.

10)  I don't miss a chance to exercise: This may sounds obsessive, but that's okay. Sometimes you gotta get a little crazy to get where you want to be. On the days that I absolutely can't make it to the gym I like to take Alexa for jogs so that we can spend time together and I can teach her it's great to be outside and active. Not to mention, I am far more inclined to run when I get to see that gorgeous smile! I do not miss a day of exercising. I just don't. Monday-Saturday is what I have committed to and that's what I do. I believe the Sabbath is for rest. Additionally, I have had SO much fun challenging my body and I love doing different types of exercise. Zumba is my all-time favorite but I have also been doing free weights, turbo kick, improv dancing, running, lots of stretching, and others. Find something you like! Working out should be something you look forward to, not dread.

I think one of the most important things I am learning is that one day of bad eating does not undo weeks of progress (unless you let it). This falls under a distorted thinking pattern called "disqualifying the positive." Sometimes as humans when we don't match up to what we think we should, we disqualify all of the good we've done just because we made a "mistake." This kind of thinking makes us lose sight of grattitude and, usually, turn back to old ways. You know what I'm talking about. The "I ate three cookies so I may as well eat 10 more" mind-set. I do that sometimes and get frustrated with myself, but when I go to bed that night I have already made the decision to forgive myself and get up in the morning to continue all the great things I've been doing!

Guys, this is a bigger deal than we realize. This is not about size 6 pants and flat tummies. This is about our LIVES! This is about not feeling guilty and depressed when I choose to enjoy some ice cream. This is about not feeling physically sick from eating and eating until I can't eat anymore. This is about feeling confident and being strong. It's about not feeling embarassed in my own body. It's about being able to run three miles if I ever needed to get help in an emergency. This is about being able to play with my grandchildren and great-grand children when I'm old. This is my quality of life and all of the health issues I may be able to avoid. And you want to know what this is REALLY about for me? It's about becoming everything my Heavenly Father intends for me to become.

"Our Heavenly Father sees our real potential. He knows things about us that we do not know ourselves. He prompts us during our lifetime to fulfill the measure of our creation, to live a good life, and to return to His presence." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Make It Up

I was looking in the mirror, like I usually do, when I had to stop and look a little bit harder. I looked gorgeous. My deep blue eyes were accented with long, black lashes, and my skin was clear, even, and without "flaw." My lips were recently shined up with gloss and my smile was very white. I think that by the standards of most people I would have been declared very beautiful. But I did not feel pretty.

I've always had this weird relationship with makeup. Throughout high school I mostly wore makeup for drill team performances and special occasions. It was fun to use it rarely because I always got SO many compliments when I did wear it. But in general I have always loved feeling comfortable without anything on. The older I've gotten the more I have come to cherish the way I feel without makeup. I think that feeling beautiful without makeup is something that should be cherished by all women, but it seems today that it's more of an embarrasment than anything else. So many women talk about how they'd never dare leave the house without makeup on and I feel so sad when I hear that.

The older I've gotten the more I have also come to cherish the way I feel with makeup on. There is something so special about getting dolled up to go out on a date with Braedon. I think that when we take time to "get ready" it shows our spouses that we are still crazy about them! It shows that we are still trying to impress them and that we love taking the time to feel beautiful and confident for quality time together. I also love putting on makeup to take a cute picture with Alexa or go out for a night with my girls. It's fun to accentuate my beauty and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

This moment I had in the mirror was an uneasy one for me. As I sat and looked into my own eyes I thought about how much more often I've worn makeup the last year or so; more than I ever have in my whole life. I cried as I realized how much I've let external forces affect the way I feel about myself. Isn't that insane? We start looking at more magazines, someone makes a stupid remark and BAM it's like you are a whole different person now. It's amazing that we let tiny, imperceptible moments add up to this: what we become.

I think that going without makeup is beautiful. I think that going with makeup is beautiful too. I think the most important thing we need to ask ourselves is WHY am I wearing makeup? Personally, I feel the most like "me" when I don't have anything on, so that is what I usually choose. I also like to use a little bit of mascara here and there. But it's the days that I feel I need makeup that I choose not to wear it. Every so often I will look in the mirror while holding up the mascara brush and realize that I am about to change the way I look because I don't like myself enough. Those are the days that I put the makeup away, spray my extra nice perfume, and walk away from the mirror.