About a week ago I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and I came across a picture that someone had shared from the Fight the New Drug website. There were three men in dressed in t-shirts and the picture's caption read "Real mean don't watch porn." I started to feel such intense disgust for that phrase. We had a business call just a few minutes later and for a while it was incredibly hard for me to focus. I couldn't stop thinking about this advertisement declaring that real men don't watch porn. So Fight the New Drug, here is my letter to you:
"A few days ago I came across a photo from your website that pictured three men in Fight the New Drug shirts and the caption read 'Real men don't watch porn.' The moment I read it I got a sick feeling in my stomach. I need you to hear this loud and clear because despite whatever positive message you were trying to send you messed up big time. So here is what I need you to know:
You are oh so wrong. It is in fact 'real men' who watch porn. It's our brothers, our fathers, and our husbands. It is the young boy who saw his dad's magazine at age six and was addicted to porn before he even really understood what a woman was. It's the man who struggles with self-worth, financial hardship, or other difficulties of life and turns to porn to cope. It's the 18-year-old who pleads with God for help because he desperately wants to serve a mission for his church but is bound down by the chains of addiction. And please, let's not be so ignorant as to say it's only 'real men' viewing porn, it's also real women. It's not only real women viewing pornography but real women laying in bed at night wondering where their husband is, what he's looking at, and why she's not enough.
'Real men don't watch porn' is one of the most harmfully ignorant declarations I have ever heard. Pornography first entered my life 12 years ago and I personally have suffered greatly from the affects of it through my own actions, the actions of loved ones, and I also suffered greatly as I watched one of my best friends lose her husband and marriage to it. If I had to fit everything I've learned into a single statement it would be this: those who struggle with pornography need more unconditional love. They need more support and patience and understanding. What they do not need is more shame than they already feel. Pornography is addictive, isolating, and lonely. It screws up our perception about sex, humans, intimacy, and love. And the shame that comes from viewing pornography creates a perpetual cycle that keeps individuals trapped in it. When you tell someone that he is not a 'real man' because he views pornography you are creating very similar affects to what pornography itself creates. Pornography is shameful and dehumanizing; so is telling someone they aren't real for viewing it.
As I'm sure you can tell by now I am 100% against pornography. I don't want to discount all of the phenomenal knowledge and support your campaign and website have provided, and I understand that your statement was probably meant to imply something like, 'it's great when men choose not to view porn,' but I believe you couldn't have really said it a worse way. This statement tells men that their worth is based on their actions, and creating that type of shame for individuals will never help them escape the bondage of pornography. You are called Fight the New Drug, so go fight the drug, not the users of it.
Sincerely,
Me"
I also can't help but add in another quick note. When I first found that picture I started reading through some of the comments. To all those who wrote comments supporting the use of porn and to those who still think that it doesn't have any negative affects: I feel SO sorry for you. This isn't a debate about what's right or wrong, this is about the psychological and physiological affects of addiction and pornography. This is not opinion, this is fact. You have GOT to wake up. Pornography is plaguing marriages, individuals, families, societies, and literally nations.
A shout out to all of the real men, women, teens, and even children out there who are dealing with the repercussions of pornography. I want you to know that you are loved and supported in your struggle. I promise there is hope. <3
