Is she a good baby?

It's been a long time since I've written, and I feel a bit sad about it because I've learned so much in the last few months since Alexa was born. Here is just a snippet, and I hope there are many posts to come.

I am now painfully aware of the phrases that all people say to mothers about their babies (you mamas know what I'm talking about). "She looks just like her dad" or "she is getting so big!" (because I didn't notice that my baby born at 8 lbs in now 15 lbs). Another thing I know is that before becoming a mother I NEVER had a second thought about saying these things to other mothers. Even now, I understand that those around me just want to show they care. That's why they ask questions, make comments, and show their interest.

Do you know those moments where you want to challenge an idea but it's out of the norm? For me, this occurs frequently with grammar. I think for a long time when someone asked how I was and I said "good" it was because saying "well" sounded strange; few people say it correctly. So we let our fear of feeling awkward dominate our desire to change the way that others think; to help them think more correctly.

There's a question that women all around have asked me frequently over the last four months. At first I answered the way I thought made sense, the way that explained what they were actually trying to find out. But every time it's asked I feel more and more uncomfortable knowing that each time I don't challenge the question I'm passively letting a stereotype form.

So the most recent time I was asked, "is she a good baby?" I responded by saying, "what does that even mean?" Because even though my daughter is only four months old, I don't want her to grow up feeling like she is a bad child if she doesn't do what is most convenient for me. Would you tell your toddler that they were "bad" for falling down while learning to walk? Would you tell your teenager she was "bad" for forgetting her school book at home? These examples might be absurd, but I think that the "good baby" question makes human = bad! Most people think a "good baby" sleeps through the night, and people think a "good baby" doesn't cry unless she needs something, but these are silly expectations!

I am happy to step out and challenge this idea of the "good baby." Why? Because Alexa poops out of her diaper, and she cries at 4:00 am, and she accidentally smacks herself in the face. She often cries when I set her down and I can't get anything done. Also, when she coos in her sleep I think she's dreaming of heaven, and when she scrunches her eyes to smile I feel a tiny glimpse of how Heavenly Father feels about my happiness.

Alexa is a GOOD baby, because she is doing everything just right, just like a baby.